July

 July

July was a month of getting sick, many days of Zaya at home , fatigue, lack of motivation.

What was good about July was that we escaped reality in the weekends by going somewhere and that was our reality too, just another kind of reality where we enjoy fresh air and vastness and walks. There was cuteness from Zaya and Scooter. some social life.

Happy things

Day 1 of July was great. At Biswarup's place - all talented folks - good music and great paintings. The comfort of being able to take Scooter and Zaya along. A beautiful kitchen. Quinoa salad from Costco that I loved.

We're just about entering Zaya's 8th month, and a few days before that she has learnt to clap, and wait for it - Crawl! Like proper crawl. She also knows how to say No when she's had enough food. Many things about her growing up are not about me showing her what to do, it's about me learning from her what she becomes. 

No matter what mood we're in , when I spend time with Zaya everything can melt away when she smiles. It's a magical little smile. 

Rajdhaani kichdi. Khadhi.

Annapoorna sambar vada.

Chapathi and dal

A day of cleaning. 

A day of being imperfect followed by a day of talking about imperfections. What we came to was that we're not about being perfect or giving up. We're about trying to be better. 

The option to join in for a daily meditation and start somewhere.

Massage.

Walking near our old neighborhood

Pretty dress, adult mix, baby powder - all shipped from India. 

Swetha’a mom and her acts of kindness. 

Tamales. 

Being sick sucks, but is an opportunity to revisit habits and try to do small changes towards good health. I’m thankful for that opportunity. I’m thankful for friends who suggest what to do when I get sick or sad. I’m thankful for hospitals and the fixes they give. I should not be , but I’m also thankful for the 10 pounds I lost this last month out of sickness. I’m thankful for sick days. I’m thankful for Santhu’s video on satvic eating that shares a few good points about what can be changed habit wise. 

Here's a bunch of things that my friends told me about getting sick and getting better:

What I tried : tea, water, eucalyptus oil, steam.

Allopathy : amox antibiotic and flonase steroid spray.

Homeopathy : ear drops 

Lymphatic massage

Satvic Food

Foods for estrogen binding.

I don't know exactly what worked and I'm not fully sure it has worked since it has got better and then worse in the past. But towards the end of my most recent better phase I did have amox, I did have flonase, I stopped ear drops and oils and inhalers. The lymphatic massage seemed to really work. I did go mild with food and tried to starve a bit before choosing to eat. I also ate cauliflowers for estrogen binding. 

Here is some philosophy behind how one gets sick : One theory is that when we eat mucus causing food it lines all our intestines and pipes and causes gunk to build up and cause infections and sinusitis. So having satvic food (mucus reducing food) along with brisk walking and fasting and water packs helps remove the mucus. A very complementing theory is that of lymphatic massage. Both these theories are based on the thought that mucus gets produced below the neck and the symptoms show in the ear, nose and throat - so fix what's below. Lymphatic massage has a series of gentle strokes where you pump at a certain point in your neck and then massage downward from the ear and the side of the necks and the back of the head. When you do this the phlegm from here drains downward and the phlegm in your sinus cavities across your face have space for downward movement and therefore now drain downward. These theories also believe that allopathy only fixes the symptoms and not the root cause. Sometimes fixing the symptoms are equally important for relief and to stop infection so that's good too. Finally the other theory is that especially for women, the hormonal imbalances are high because of menstruation and child birth and menopause and so when certain hormones are higher than usual, your sensitivity to allergies increase (especially the case after child birth). So estrogen binding foods can help here.

I’m thankful for Scooter and his  randomly coming to kiss my toe before he goes to sleep :) 

Of course thankful for Ajey who I keep annoying. 

One day of meeting team mates and taking photos at Casa del Mar.

Most of the weekdays are unfulfilling. There is no sense of intention. The weekends are spent escaping the week's feelings and even though you have to come back to your weekdays I like the break to another kind of reality. The reality of sunset, warm rays, front yards, trees, old people with sunny smiles, random conversations, Zaya getting attention, fresh breeze and if none of these just some movement for the body. 

Today amidst the uneventful life we took a rather refreshing walk in the rich Bel air neighborhood being amazed by the vastness of things. One would think inspirations arrive only in nature, and if inspirations arrived from rich neighbourhoods it would be about becoming rich, but Bel air proved different for us. There were some amazing architectures, there were roofs so high that it looked like 10 rooms would fit in the roof. There was the fresh prince of Bel-Air house, but what stood out was an entrance to one of the houses that was probably on the side yard, and on the other side of the entrance we could see all through the backyard into the clouds of the hills. It felt like the entrance to heaven. Something about that moment was breathtaking. It was such a wonderful neighborhood to walk around, fresh air and there was blood circulating and inspiration came of riches but not exactly of the bel-air kind. I felt inspired to live a life that was full of riches of the mind - and that meant - a disciplined life lead by one's own terms. It felt like exercise, and books and focus but not going after something. It felt like stability of a place and peacefulness and focus on a journey not really wanting to lead somewhere exact.

After high demand, AJ's white pasta with mushrooms were made, and we devoured it in one night. Jusst yummm. 

Every time we return home, I carry Zaya up the stairs and Rat follows me like a dinosaur thats going to bite Zaya. it's become their personal thing that she almost anticipates this happening that as soon as get out the garage she's giving a mischievous smile looking at her dad. :)

One day of cheating : salmon cake

Thoughts

Motherhood : 

It’s hard. I’m fatigued, my back hurts, I don’t get enough sleep, I get annoyingly sick all the time. And with all these changes I’m also wondering all the time if I’m doing enough for Zaya. There’s this debate between independence and nurture. Will she get the right education, is the American system right for her emotional and mental growth. 

Sickness means not being good to one self , not being a good mom, not taking care of house chores, not being productive at work.

Lack of focus. 

Back aches and Zaya sleep.

Racing of mind.

I can see greed and someone being taken for granted, lack of sincerity. I only hope the person being taken for granted is able to balance the good heart with wise boundaries. From my side, what I can do is try to better the life that's within my hands - and there's a lot of scope just there. 

Saw someone who took a year of planned break. Tended their garden and did a lot of intentional engagements.

Watched dark documentaries. Also, binge watched stranger things. I'm a person who looks for a purpose behind everything. Watching dark documentaries is like education about evil in the world. To be close to the truth about the world just as it is. It's also about the amazing investigative agents and cops who do their job. It's also about the sadness about people's lives. Now about binge watching and stranger things. Binge watching is this unhealthy need to get done with something immediately, a way of drowning oneself, like eating several dishes in one meal. So maybe I should know to say 'okay enough for today, I'll have the dessert tomorrow'. Stranger things itself - entertainment - maya. But yes art also has the skill to draw parallels with the real life. It could be helping children who identify themselves with situations. This documentary 'Girl in the picture' could very well be the story of Stranger things. Most bad people have a reason they believe they can operate the way they do. They often drive it to a hard childhood, some to revenge. Almost like a joker. It also brings to the front, that sometimes two people who come from the same situations can respond differently to the same. One can do something positive out of it. One can turn into something negative. The crux of all of it is this - Childhood influence. It's very important what children see when they grow up.

Things to think about

Housing. Money. Parents. Zaya. Love. Fun. Behaviors. Health.