Oct, Nov, Dec

 Happiness, Food, Zaya, character, Work, People, Learning, Exercise, Entertainment.

The happiness and the peacefulness of the vacation was what most of Oct and Nov were about. A lot about how I felt for India and USA in comparison changed.

December was about re focusing on a routine, leaping in terms of cooking , being at home with Zaya and Rat more than usual, being aware of the bossy self, recognizing the need to do things we enjoy as a couple in order to nurture what we had before duties came in, also recognizing the dormant energy inside that seems to want to tune in to singing and dancing and the thoughts that come with it.

December was also about getting many things done, and scoring myself on a activity chart everyday. important stuff compiling memory videos for Zaya and appa. Zaya keeps showing me word 'cuter' needs many more superlatives now. Her pants that swept the floor are suddenly below her knees and it's been puzzling to see her reach places she used to struggle reaching and not even noticing she grew. She gets on top of the sofa, annoys Scooter, loves feeding us imaginary food from empty bowls, sits in the corners of the hall, kitchen and even Scooters bag in the dining. Falls a lot it's hard to imagine how she easily gets up and continues.

Cooking has been so consistent and good too, but I am not always feeling great about it.

Happiness

Feeding her has been needing more attention and BnT seems to be taking care of her better than we do. 

Coming back felt lonely for a bit, but I'm slowly getting into the groove of cooking, cleaning, Zaya'ing, driving and working.

What I'm thankful for firstly in December is the phone call I had with Lav and Log - one discussing baby duties, another co-working over video calls listening to good music by the great DJ Log. Touch wood. It felt good to have company while I worked. I am always a little scared of the good relationships that I like to keep them at a distance and not let anything distract the beauty of it. I would love to break that rule and spend more time with the ones I used to have a good time with, without letting much come in between what could be a great time.

Driving.

Yoga.

Got a year planner for 2023. Will plan vacations, health checkups / appointments, birthdays, and maybe some memories.

Got a projector.

the idli podi that appa sent. yumm.

Many days of below average food. But one day where everything tasted awesome, like momma's meals, I wanted to have a little of this and a little of that and then I'd go on one more round. Mint chutney that went great with quinoa and chips. A keera poriyal with coconut and carmelized onion and garlic that was amazing. A decent chow chow kootu. Some decent vendakka.

I said I'm making semia today knowing very well Ajey was judging me and feeling inside 'I think I'm going to change how he feels about semia.' And sure I did. He said I'll never call this semia again. This is like noodles - yes it was hot , spicy n yummy.

Zaya's holiday party

Having a goal to do accounts for the whole year during the weekend and actually pushing it quite well with AJ's help. Finding incorrect charges and getting a refund by reaching to support.

An amazing fried rice briyani experiment :D

trying at work.

Had one of those long conversations that could have easily been annoying with Ajey but we patiently ruminated and exchanged ideas. 

1. Why I am okay keeping myself in safe mental spaces now that I am a mom and cannot risk being in places where it takes a while to disconnect from anxiety. 

2. Where I have to pay attention so I can give Zaya better options on how to respond and act. Also what we could do better so I don't have to talk about the same things again.

3. The choice of food - the number of departments it checks off - nutrition, taste, safety, variety, money, environment, packaging. How we'd like to focus on metrics like money and frequency.

4. The main topic was anxiety around sharing part of you with the public be it when one sings , dances or discusses. There could be many motivations to why one shares something and therefore different kind of anxieties to manage. One, you feel you are talented. Two, you feel you can positively engage someone's time or even elevate the vibration. Three, you feel lonely and want to connect. Or you want attention. Four, you want to challenge the status quo. The anxieties that can arise are 1. You realize you are not talented. 2. You are not positively engaging. 3. Others judge you 4. You cause discomfort. 5. You are expecting acceptance and opening room for comparison. 6. Opinions may be useless. 

I guess the trick is in finding yourself and your authenticity and challenging your anxiety to slowly Leave you. If you are not talented, well you are at least practicing your authenticity. If you are not positively engaging, well if it mattered to even one person that's great. If others judge you, you can use it to practice being authentic in spite of judging. You don't have to be accepted, you hang on until you find good people when you are lonely. Opinions can help people on the same side to strengthen bonds and may be even act. Challenging status quo is something you are allowed to do by getting comfortable doing it little by little. 

It's good to express truth, beauty, connection. It's good to be conscious of not hurting or alienating someone by what you express. Also, try not distracting. And doing things just for attention - it can be an energy sucker.

one day of getting out of the house to watch lights. the part I enjoyed was getting out of the house. paying 40 bucks to watch lights - i'd been happier giving it off to someone in need.

enjoyed a nice pasta that Rat made, It was so refreshing to be on the receiving end and not in the kitchen

grove is a nice place, when you are in a nice mood. I have expert skills in getting pissed.

A random netflix movie helped move my brain from anger.

I need to take myself out on dates.

a few sad things

how one maintains standards - the language to employ when pushed to limits.

when one has been extended so much support in life and refuses to take the right decisions to support oneself, it brings about a disappointment and anger. the fact that many people with worser circumstances do well, many  deserving people would die for such opps , that at some point, everyone grows up at one point in life and chooses to become an adult. I hope better outcomes arrive, and firstly better outcomes are sincerely sought within oneself. 

The different energies inside you and their need for self expression.

Being at home during new years in an apartment with your partner is a challenging experience sometimes. Some days you figure out your own energy, Some day you suddenly share a laugh and try your wedding dance in what feels like a partner moment in a very long time. Sometimes the gaps bring up the expectations you have. How you like to be treated. When you go out, how you like to be treated. All those things... and how it falls flat like a cake and you end up having to choose between holding your anger or adjusting expectations. Also hate when people wish me for the paper anniversary (or any anniversary for that matter) - it reminds me again and again about how terribly it was treated.

Self Talk

It has been a time of trying, and with trying comes challenges. Trying to sleep with Zaya wanting milk (somedays, all through the night). Trying to wake up in time. Trying to cook at home. Trying to make something special. Trying to figure out work. It can be hard to be tolerant, to know that you tried and still something fell short of what you expected, to know some days you see yourself slipping into a frustrated, stern person, to not know how time ran past. It is good to realize all this, it is good to recognize that you don't want to burn out. It is good to recognize that you are trying many things at once. It's good to take a moment to tap yourself , firstly for trying, and also to see how you could make this better for yourself.

So here goes :

- Cooking at home is special when you are at the eating end, and from the cooking area it would be a good experience if it was more efficient, simple and fulfilling(tasty). It's important to be consistent with this knowing it's healthier, a way to exercise your choice on how you would like to interact with the world. That said, somedays there are other priorities and so having simpler solutions and eating out is absolutely fine! It's also okay if dishes taste different from what you imagined, just know you tried and thank yourself for trying for yourself to show up and be there :)

- Zaya - she is a baby - with emotions she can't communicate and with needs in the night and with food and attention and independence and car seats and with not enough ways to express herself. It's important to always tolerate and be calm with her so she can regulate herself. It would be great if we get her to eat well in the day and sleep well in the night. Food, cleaning, bathe, oil, reading/playing, day care, sleep, explore, talking.

- I need to make time for yoga, walks, meditation - I need to be in touch with calm and be aware to bring myself to calm.

- Work - it's an opportunity, it fuels a lot in life and is a great place to practice focus and will power. 

- Social

- Chores / konmari

- Scooter

- A little more than hugs

Zaya :

Walked first in Madurai without support and now does it all the time. Does fall a lot.

She's independent with food. Sometimes fussy too,  feeds a lot in the night.

She likes music and dance. 

Could do more puzzle toys, reading, taking her out in the sun, coloring.

Food : 

Been trying to get more disciplined at the kitchen.
Steaming and trying a variety of food with Zaya.
 Figured out good idlis - and did this 5 more times with mixie and grinder and old rice and new rice and still figuring out perfection, gotta figure out dosas better too.

made an amazing kathrika kaara kozhambu.
Satisfactory : podalanga kootu,  cabbage poriyal. 

a whole day of good food : chow chow kootu, keerai poriyal, mint chutney, vendakka

a Indian fried rice experiment - mushroom and paneer, that took a briyani turn and had soy sauce in it - and turned out amazing

a kurma experiment with over cooked veggies that turned out like bhaaji.

a tofu scramble experiment with green chilly, red chilly, MIL brand fermented chilly paste and chilly powder. Turns out tofu can take a lot of spice and calm it down, cuz it tasted pretty good!

Pacha kari like athai made : https://flavoursofmykitchen.com/green-masala-mutton-curry/

Would add more water, more green chilly and a lot more whistles, next time.

Sathumaavu cake. 

Pattani kolambu, random squash.

rasam , paruppu beans usuli

christmas plum cake

Attempted dis-satisfactorily : ven pongal , chakkara pongal. Red chori. paneer crispies. paal halwa,

urundai kolambu, senai kazhangu.

Outside : cream puff, flan. Apollo fish at abiruchi. Tres Leches cake = yumm.

sambar vada at annapurna. copper pot - crab laska, tea(avoid), chilly paratha, ghee mutton, aloo gobi methiwala (okay) baby idlis 4 Z.  sweet wheat - raspberry cake (good), chocolate(okay)

off season for strawberries and blueberries , but they're so sweet! 

the Italian blood orange drink that tasted like the best fanta ever in the whole world!

Inspiration : Urundai kozhambu. 

 Yoga: 

Got Sushmita who I met in India to train me personally. She talks and explains quite a bit, but also seems thorough about her process. I know she is one who pushes limits. She made me do a few poses and seemed very happy that I am off to a very good start. What was interesting today was the breath. Mouth-open breaths take a bit to get used to , but I like the process of experimenting with it. Kumbha or the state of being at ease with the breath while in difficult poses is something we are looking at. Also spoke about how we need different breaths based on if we want to energize or calm down etc.

a day of chaturanga practice

a schedule to follow, shoulder stand

Reading / Infotainment

Little more of the focus book :

Concentration is the ability to hold attention with awareness either for a good amount of time or willfully and consciously moving it from one place to another.

Willpower is exercising the muscle of holding focus in one place. The negative side of it is stubbornness , and the positive side of it is practiced in the bed of love, care and principles.

Finish what you start.
Do it well.
Do something more.

A few more suggestions on extending practice:

Go back and finish projects you want to finish.

Go back and assess promises you gave people and make it happen.

Do what you say,

Get the wheel of concentration be your default in your subconscious.

Timing matters. Timely wisdom.

You are not blocking things out, You are focusing on what you want the most.

Intentional Eating @ Masterclass:

Deciding what we eat has almost the same power as casting a vote. It defines how plants and animals are grown, how the earth is treated, how food is transported, how employees through the cycle are treated, and finally how we treat ourselves.  

It also dispels the myth behind labels such as cage free, farm fed etc. 

Food waste accounts for a lot of greenhouse gases and therefore informs how to be careful in what we eat.

Victor Cheng on Force Multipliers

Reputation. Relationship. Technology. Documented Procedures. Expertise. A growing market. Deep specialization(not just knowing but knowing something rare). Big picture (Connector / CEO)

Random

I'm starting to see that there are few combinations of skills in companies. Brain Work and Energy Work and work guthirais. Brain work = deep specialized knowledge working in the weeds inclining to perfection. Energy work = Broad knowledge , collecting the threads, keeping the momentum inclining to progress , engagement. And guthirais, of course = repetitive work, sincerely.

Entertainment

Watched Kantara - found it overhyped

Watched love today - funny, well directed movie with new age modern love issues and a message that says don't poke a seed too much - just let it be buried for a while so it can grow.

Suggestions :

Indra Nooyi - Barefoot Empress

2022

Mom :

Milk, day care. Sleeplessness. Sickness. Joy, laughter, silliness. Baths and diapers.

Cook / Cleaning

Cooking Here and there. Cleaning all the time. Konmari

Daughter, DIL:

A lot of time put. Misgivings, learnings, grandparenting, good moments, some moments of sharing authentically.

Phone calls.

Love in the form of food, snacks.

Wife : 

Butt kicker, support seeker, warm blanket, shared parenting. Patience learner from patience teacher.

Work : 

Trying in spite of a 1000 hurdles. Knowing potential. Learning focus. Seeking motivation.

Health : 

Breakdown and build back. Some yoga. Some happy workshops.

Vacation : 

experiences :) food, less responsibilities, sleep, meeting people, going places, shopping

Social : 

Neighbors , parties.

Biggest challenge :

Health, Focus, better engagement with Zaya, driving, people energy. Visa / settling. 

Learning:

Some driving, books

the power of unwavering focus - notes

 There's a book I picked so I can learn about focus because I believe focus can help in life.

It clearly says that this book is useless if it is not practiced

The book is in 4 parts:

1. understanding purpose. and why behind focus.

2. working of the brain

3. how to focus

4. applying this knowledge in everyday settings

1. Purpose and Why

- Living a focused life or a purpose-focused life are both rewarding processes. So bottom line , learn to focus.

- Purpose is not the start of focus. You actually need to learn to focus to understand your purpose.

- Why : because happiness. getting goals done. death.

When people avoid the concept of death they pay more attention to short term things and lose track of long term things. 

- Construct a lifestyle based on your purpose and priorities where the by-product is happiness. 

Right way. consistency. Blind Obedience vs intelligent obedience.

Instead of asking 'what next?', go narrow and wide : mastering your tool.

Intention for reading this book - "

Pathologically oblivious to anything but the goal

If you could trust your mind it would tell you have three fries and then eat the salad, but the mind does not do that - it makes you want to eat the whole pack of fries. So you can't just trust your mind. You first train your mind, then you trust it.

Affirming positive statements, filtering negativity, meditate - healthier mind.

Practicing - without this no knowledge is useful.

Practicing the right thing is important. 

The reason people abandon their quest is the anxiety and overwhelming feeling that arises out of lack of clarity. If you have a guide then it inspired confidence and makes things achievable.

Being faithful to small consistent steps is an expression of understanding, love and compassion towards the needs of mind and body.

While I appear as the teacher to you,  a student of the subject and I hope it always stays that way' - Lutzenkirchen

Three floors of the mind - 

Conscious, sub conscious, super conscious

The conscious needs to understand and organize what it gets so it can be absorbed by the subconscious. 

The definitions of mind and awareness are important - similar to Buddhist concepts. Feelings are like different rooms in the mind. Awareness is like a torchlight that we choose to throw the light on. That action of choosing which room to go to - needs thought and practice. 

You shouldn't say 'Mind is wandering'. Instead say, awareness is wandering. These words and clear definitions matter for your subconscious to have a clear framework.

There are three kinds of dogs(minds)

The one that wanders around untrained and unleashed , pouncing at anything and everything.

The one that is untrained but leashed - when it gets to a bad place, the owner is able to pull it back.

The trained one is like that of a police dog. It can have a plate of great food right below it's nose and it can be full of hunger but it will wait for the cue to feed. 

Another definition is 'energy' - where you put your energy has a magnetism - it becomes easy to access these circuits. Some of us store energy in certain events over decades because of unresolved situations. We replay the event and therefore energy gets assigned to it. It takes effort to decouple the energy.

Dear future Ananya

Dear Ananya back from India,

Welcome back home! 

I hope you had a lovely time in Chennai and Madurai meeting friends and family. The smell and taste of home, the familiar sounds, the people you know. Maybe some zen time. 

Zaya spent time with her grandparents, celebrated Diwali, her birthday.  That must have been eventful.

I know you wanted to have structure to your vacation. I hope you found your way to do things and show discipline amidst all the fun.

I hope you wore all the dresses you wanted and ate good food and did all the shopping you needed.

A lot of lovely memories you would have definitely recorded. Maybe made some videos.

I also hope you showed control and practiced wise emotions through it all. 

You also got a headstart to work, I'm sure you would have focused and built a better routine towards the future.

I know you had a doubtful period and I am hoping you have more clarity and are back with some plans and direction towards a fulfilling and authentic life. 

Hopefully you shined a light on a few things and made something better where you went. 

Oh and most importantly I hope you managed the firecracker of a girl and still made time for yourself. 

Now you're home, I want you to learn from it all, inhale the good memories and exhale everything else so you can now be here - your home - your space!

So just as a reminder, few housekeeping things

- the towel in the bathroom is fresh, both the bathrooms are cleaned, so you can take a bath before you get on the bed. The comforters and blankets are all washed. 

- you have to unpack, so maybe make some space before you unpack - throw away clothes that are old and don't fit. Maybe it's time you accept that your frame is bigger and you need space for a more wholesome you :D organize the blanket cupboard, and then unpack.

- you might want to do your laundry , a few vessels to wash, floors everywhere - even in the bathroom need to be mopped. Wash the bins, you need to buy new toilet cleaners. 

- get rest okay! 

- get Zaya what she needs and put her in the fence for a bit, give her toys, put on some zen music

- buy groceries, try seeing if you like getting into a cooking schedule 

- for konmari over the next few weeks - electronics, Zaya stuff, some clothes 

- take time with scooter, he has probably had a hard time without you, he needs to build trust again. 

- decide your path , make time for yourself and show conviction towards some goal. You always have the chance to spark that silent fire inside you towards something that feels right, feels hard and feels like life! 

The valuables are in places where the valuables usually are not. 

December and 2023 Plan

What matters in life :

Physical Health  

Mental Health

Growth and Exploration

Experiences / breaks

Being there for people who matter

Stepping stone 

Future

Overcoming limiting beliefs and habits

Humility and approachability

Sleeping peacefully at night - the ability to be honest to yourself and honest to the world

Contribution / uplifting someone or something else / being a stepping stone

Practice building character

Independence and business mind 

In other words,

Yoga, journaling

Career / CA 

Exploration - real estate / finances / driving / yoga

Movability 

Appa / AJ/ Zaya / Family / Friends

Savings , partner support, appa

Future - Z education , home, Rat bros

testing limits

observe, give in to the energy

true to my people/ true to my work

give without getting, 

books

try new things

To - Do

red tape : 

ship stuff / photo respond

amazon 

xoom

sim card

airtel wifi

rent / utils

once you are back

CA remeds

Accounts with AJ

Talk to D ka

packing

driving class

laundry

return library books (AJ says 7, we have 8) with fines.

get decal

swim class

send Log Rs.1500 + 1000, Appa - 5k

Reverse jet lag

meet Christina

Tech Pulse - not doing

zaya vaccine

Dec 5th - Well baby appt

FSA

lennar homes - not doing

Seattle? - not doing

December:

Drive.

work

CA.

Cook. 

Home chores. 

Swim. Yoga. 

Masterclass.

Course for pivot.

Day care / Baby sit.

Finances.

Learning about housing market.

Meet people / Host people.

Toastmaster.

Recession plan.

Parents' health plan.

Zaya learning / activities.

Accounts with AJ

Zaya meal plan 

    - eggs, beans, spice, less salt, rice , 

    - idli, dosa, potato, peas, bread, biscuits, carrots 

Health checkup

FSA

Remed

Konmari

Job

Apply
Scooter / cook / work routine

Day care transition

Driving - routine / grocery / daycare

One long drive(?)

Social - meet Christina

Seattle

Yoga

t-mobile

2023

Vacation planning / Time with family

Understand finances from someone who knows about it well and can teach / schedule classes

Accounts and budget planning and focus

CA plan

Home research - duplex with separate kitchens / CA / Seattle

Work / Job continuity

Masterclass 

Side gig / certification

Swim / toastmasters / Yoga

Cook / drive / clean / Zaya meals

Zaya plan - intention and action, daycare combo with something else

Adaptability - India life / job change - bounce back plans 

Host people at home

Continue EQ

Move to Seattle and rent / research day care.

Visit farms 

Cattle farm

Permaculture 

Visit garbage segregation plants

Vacation - Part 2 - Madurai

We're here in Madurai - not the central city - a somewhat remote extension near the University. 

Chennai is dad's place so it was all about being spoilt. Madurai - the in law's place is also about being spoilt with food but also about sharing work and finding ways to be resourceful. Chennai was active , Madurai here was a lot about resting and being willfully inactive , thanks to having to stay online at work / not exploring a few things that could have been tried.

What's great

What's great about this place is it's huge. The paintings and ornaments are all beautiful. There are three swings in the house, two gardens, so many traditional pieces throughout the house. In a sense, you could call it a dream house. The sense of space , the ventilation, french style windows, the vastness , the space, the reflective marbonites, the view of the mountains - they are all artistic and calming 

What's also great is the food athai makes, the potency of the veggies that smell so good even before cooked, the restaurant food is great too. Even a Rs 10 road side tea in a mini cup felt like elixir. 

Soosberries, butter biscuits , qwality walls ice cream, fresh cream cake, jalebi, sweet thattai, murukku, jigarthanda from famous jigarthanda, karupatti kaapi, paniyaram, tandoori chicken

and all those nice things.

Athai's pachai curry , Briyani, chilly chicken, kolambus - oh we had sundakka kolambu, the chutneys and idlis are just great. butter beans,

Zaya's birthday party had a whole bunch of good food arrive and I got to meet some people. If Chennai is about engineering colleges, madurai in a sense could be about business, manufacturing. People are unassuming and are running factories and operations and distributions. One particular family - the girl studied at nift and she was talking about nilakottai where a bunch of people are from - boarding school, Bombay life, their tour to Russia and Dubai to watch the fifa.  

I attended the wedding of a granite owner friend of athai's and was surprised by how large the hall was, and also how big a north Indian settlement was at Madurai. Chat was served followed by a north indian menu, a south indian menu and an area for just desserts. The girl who sang songs was super talented belting out a few tamil numbers in between a bunch of beautiful hindi numbers like Zehnazeeb, Sawarloon and all those favorites.

The cats - they are cute - entertaining. Perky gave birth to four kittens.

Uncle and athai are active - the kitchen keeps running and the dishes are cleaned. They are comfortable with the after effects of their lifetsyle - a messy kitchen.

Zaya's party went well, we did another round of cleaning, inflated the balloons and put the lights up. Uncle ordered great food - idli , chutney , sambar - and even that was amazing and of course briyani, chicken fry and gravy and ice cream that lasted for so many days.

The stereo system and the DJ lights :)

Stereo, fm and old Tamil songs :) 

Madurai city seems quite developed. Where we are in the outskirts - there is not much access to tea shops, ola and places to go by walking distance. However the city is bustling. Activities to do seem much less - looking for a swimming class I found one out far but there's definitely a lot of music classes. I've not seen the city much but sounds like women may not quite have their place yet.

 The houses are enormous - we saw the tvs house, PTR's place and a bunch of such places, Anna Nagar where Ajey was born, psa fish market near where his biological uncle runs a hospital. His biological family's hospital, historical home. Golcha complex pani puri was okay but jalebis were great.

Big houses need a lot of maintenance and a food palate such as is here needs a lot of kitchen work. Our room needed few days of sweeping to make it less dusty. I did take days off to clean up many sections of the house killing several insects. Partook in cleaning utensils, cutting veggies and did a dish here or there when asked. We re-organized the kitchen, the fridge knowing it's going to be hard to keep up with less clutter. Cleaning is a fulfilling activity for me. It was all worth it to have some structure and hopefully made things easier in the kitchen for the while we were there. 

Since we're both working we are at home most of the time eating a lot, the weather aids naps and we're hardly out exploring the actual city. Baby sitting Zaya sometimes makes vacations and especially work-from-home days more challenging.

Personally I've still got a week left and I don't want to jinx it but I do believe I was quietly determined to be in control of emotions and it was not really hard so far. Appa's one recurring advice was to keep things smooth. I did not want to be a good person, but I wanted to be that neutral board that does not amplify or retaliate - something that grounds electricity. Regardless of context , I wanted to be a generally reasonable person and that meant contributing by doing some house work. Of course, Ajey helped too. 

Humility or the ability to be unassumingly in service. I think I may have missed this a bit in Chennai. So far, here I have not spoken much. I did have an urge to explain how finances worked at home so far but have not brought it up. Both Chennai and Madurai are necessary parts of life. Having them there in LA needs effort too. But I think I do like the distance between things. I do believe it's good to remind myself of the different parts of Ananya and finding a purpose that gives peace.

The Meenakshi amman temple was huge , we did the konar kadai - was not super impressed but the special jigirhanda with basunthi was great. 

This house has excess of dishes, cooking, books, wool and inhabitants from nature (who's place technically we took over. :D)

Zaya ate a lot of different kinds of food and I let her eat it all which is great some seasons of the year. The healthy ones - now I have to put in effort in trying to make. The sweet rush , oil and salt - I hope I am able to define some balance for her. 

We went to the azhagar temple, was a nice vibe, ate a bunch of sweets from JB. Poli.

I went to an exhibition and felt a bit of the vibe I used to feel with amma around. Looking at arts and jewllery and clothes, it was fun. A nostalgic satisfaction. I remembered the stuffed toy mom got from corsack.

Went to Satya's apartment. I loved the prinicples behind the apartment. Instead of a big house, there were so many apartments with security. Her in-laws were in one apartment and she was in another. Her apartment was minimalistic, beautifully designed and everything was so neat and clean. Zero clutter in the kitchen, no appliances outside. Uniform wood work through the apartment. The hall had a corner with baby book shelves and toys. It was a focused clean apartment , very easy to maintain, and all the other apartments were bringing in revenue. I love this whole idea .

Madurai was about food in excess, was about being peaceful, was a little bit about the wisdom of what to focus on, was about cleaning, was about being distracted from work, baby sitting, about seeing a few nice places,  small walks and tea. Would have been better without having to think about work, would have been better if I had some activity to do near by, would have been better if I had a more standard diet for Zaya and did not have to introduce so much sugar.

Learning:

Sustainable lifestyle : Simple home with less work.

De-escalation and benefit of doubt : Life skill 

Removing food and lethargy. 

Contribution

Boundaries 

Tolerance

Boundaries for Zaya's health

Chill, life's actually not that bad. Keep things in perspective. 

What India is. What America is. What we want.

Chores

basic cleaning, dishes, laundry, some cooking, baby sitting

What to focus on

birthday party

AC room with no mosquitoes

work / required reading

blouse alter

videos

    zaya

    zaya / appa

    zaya / AJ fam

    zaya dresses

    Me dresses

    Me chennai

saree

books

maybe got to consider the faraway swimming pool

heritage

red tape: benefit

spice cupboard / athai's room

cook

photos

Amritsar - Mrs Gandhi's last battle

 A book on the assassination of Indra Gandhi which happened in 1984 and was republished in 2022 and still bought by athai because she likes the writing of Mark Tully , a BBC journalist who she believes knows more about India than Indians themselves.

My first book on Indra Gandhi was read when I was still in school and all I remember is that her dad wrote letters to her and that she was a great woman leader. 

Now this one starts very heavy - at the end of her life and the politics behind why.

There are 15 chapters and I've read 2, one on the assassination and the other on the Sikhs.

The assassination:

What I learnt was that she was killed by her own security (or the lack of it) because she sent army into the Golden temple which was causing trouble for her by being the meeting place of extremist Sikh groups. She enraged the already angered Sikh people against the Hindus by doing this. 

Unlike the usual narrative of the Iron Lady, here she is seen as a woman who had a court like system that was ripe with gossip, and also of a woman who did too much too late. She was also seen fatigued. Her son seemed aware of the weaknesses and strengths of his 'strong' mom.

The Sikhs who were partially divided against the Hindus, before the revenge against her death by the Hindus - now felt even more fully unsafe and divided from Hindus after the murder of many Sikhs.

Mark Tully and Satish Jacob(his ally in India) unravel what went behind this assassination and what were the roles that played both from the Congress side and the Sikhs side.

Sikhs

Reading about the Sikhs was great validation to how I thought about religion. An analogy that played out in my mind was that of an adolescent son who was trying to fight for his own identity and space by revolting against his two alpha parents. One of his alpha parents was Hinduism and the other , Islam.

Guru Nanak wanted to combine the learnings of both Islam and Hinduism , removing all the superstitions, corruptions and focus on the essence - this had no idols, was monotheistic and no castes like the Muslims, and had reincarnation and karma like the Hindus - all well.

It was brought together by space assigned by Akbar for the practice of the prophets and mystics of that time. It became quite popular that Akbar's son Jehangir saw it as a threat and decided to dilute it. 

Over time because of the push and pull of many kingdoms , the religion had turned its learnings and teachings into artillery and army, out of the need to save it's identity. He did not want to reabsorbed into Hinduism. Identity became very important for this son. It was very important for him to let the world know that he is not his mom,  nor his dad - he was his own. The identity was the long hair, the bangle, the knife... (5 k's)

The brave son who was nothing like his parents was now facing the world. But he was a little confused, indeed. The practicalities of the world corrupted him - caste and sub divisions founds its way into him. Idols found its way into the golden temple. When Mahatma Gandhi spoke about non-violence and Bhagat Singh became popular for his heroic fight for Lala Rajpat Rai, the Sikhs were conflicted. Generations and marriages alternated between Sikhism and Hinduism. When the Sepoy Mutiny was formed from Bengal , the very Sikhs who were against the British were now part of the British army because of how much they embraced the identity of the army and worked hard to be the best there with interests in guarding their own identity with British's help. But when the same Britisher's attacked them later, the very folks who fought all over the world on British's behalf were again conflicted. Finally when the partition occurred, the divorce in a family where a child was already looking to find his identity, the child is enraged feeling like he neither belonged in Pakistan(40%) nor in India(60%). A holocaust emerged.

Ranjit Singh (his story is key in the Sikh religion) was one of the kings who built his empire in Lahore which was lost to Pakistan. 

Arya Samaj (Dayanand Saraswati) was trying to reabsorb the Sikhs.