2022

Mom :

Milk, day care. Sleeplessness. Sickness. Joy, laughter, silliness. Baths and diapers.

Cook / Cleaning

Cooking Here and there. Cleaning all the time. Konmari

Daughter, DIL:

A lot of time put. Misgivings, learnings, grandparenting, good moments, some moments of sharing authentically.

Phone calls.

Love in the form of food, snacks.

Wife : 

Butt kicker, support seeker, warm blanket, shared parenting. Patience learner from patience teacher.

Work : 

Trying in spite of a 1000 hurdles. Knowing potential. Learning focus. Seeking motivation.

Health : 

Breakdown and build back. Some yoga. Some happy workshops.

Vacation : 

experiences :) food, less responsibilities, sleep, meeting people, going places, shopping

Social : 

Neighbors , parties.

Biggest challenge :

Health, Focus, better engagement with Zaya, driving, people energy. Visa / settling. 

Learning:

Some driving, books

the power of unwavering focus - notes

 There's a book I picked so I can learn about focus because I believe focus can help in life.

It clearly says that this book is useless if it is not practiced

The book is in 4 parts:

1. understanding purpose. and why behind focus.

2. working of the brain

3. how to focus

4. applying this knowledge in everyday settings

1. Purpose and Why

- Living a focused life or a purpose-focused life are both rewarding processes. So bottom line , learn to focus.

- Purpose is not the start of focus. You actually need to learn to focus to understand your purpose.

- Why : because happiness. getting goals done. death.

When people avoid the concept of death they pay more attention to short term things and lose track of long term things. 

- Construct a lifestyle based on your purpose and priorities where the by-product is happiness. 

Right way. consistency. Blind Obedience vs intelligent obedience.

Instead of asking 'what next?', go narrow and wide : mastering your tool.

Intention for reading this book - "

Pathologically oblivious to anything but the goal

If you could trust your mind it would tell you have three fries and then eat the salad, but the mind does not do that - it makes you want to eat the whole pack of fries. So you can't just trust your mind. You first train your mind, then you trust it.

Affirming positive statements, filtering negativity, meditate - healthier mind.

Practicing - without this no knowledge is useful.

Practicing the right thing is important. 

The reason people abandon their quest is the anxiety and overwhelming feeling that arises out of lack of clarity. If you have a guide then it inspired confidence and makes things achievable.

Being faithful to small consistent steps is an expression of understanding, love and compassion towards the needs of mind and body.

While I appear as the teacher to you,  a student of the subject and I hope it always stays that way' - Lutzenkirchen

Three floors of the mind - 

Conscious, sub conscious, super conscious

The conscious needs to understand and organize what it gets so it can be absorbed by the subconscious. 

The definitions of mind and awareness are important - similar to Buddhist concepts. Feelings are like different rooms in the mind. Awareness is like a torchlight that we choose to throw the light on. That action of choosing which room to go to - needs thought and practice. 

You shouldn't say 'Mind is wandering'. Instead say, awareness is wandering. These words and clear definitions matter for your subconscious to have a clear framework.

There are three kinds of dogs(minds)

The one that wanders around untrained and unleashed , pouncing at anything and everything.

The one that is untrained but leashed - when it gets to a bad place, the owner is able to pull it back.

The trained one is like that of a police dog. It can have a plate of great food right below it's nose and it can be full of hunger but it will wait for the cue to feed. 

Another definition is 'energy' - where you put your energy has a magnetism - it becomes easy to access these circuits. Some of us store energy in certain events over decades because of unresolved situations. We replay the event and therefore energy gets assigned to it. It takes effort to decouple the energy.

Dear future Ananya

Dear Ananya back from India,

Welcome back home! 

I hope you had a lovely time in Chennai and Madurai meeting friends and family. The smell and taste of home, the familiar sounds, the people you know. Maybe some zen time. 

Zaya spent time with her grandparents, celebrated Diwali, her birthday.  That must have been eventful.

I know you wanted to have structure to your vacation. I hope you found your way to do things and show discipline amidst all the fun.

I hope you wore all the dresses you wanted and ate good food and did all the shopping you needed.

A lot of lovely memories you would have definitely recorded. Maybe made some videos.

I also hope you showed control and practiced wise emotions through it all. 

You also got a headstart to work, I'm sure you would have focused and built a better routine towards the future.

I know you had a doubtful period and I am hoping you have more clarity and are back with some plans and direction towards a fulfilling and authentic life. 

Hopefully you shined a light on a few things and made something better where you went. 

Oh and most importantly I hope you managed the firecracker of a girl and still made time for yourself. 

Now you're home, I want you to learn from it all, inhale the good memories and exhale everything else so you can now be here - your home - your space!

So just as a reminder, few housekeeping things

- the towel in the bathroom is fresh, both the bathrooms are cleaned, so you can take a bath before you get on the bed. The comforters and blankets are all washed. 

- you have to unpack, so maybe make some space before you unpack - throw away clothes that are old and don't fit. Maybe it's time you accept that your frame is bigger and you need space for a more wholesome you :D organize the blanket cupboard, and then unpack.

- you might want to do your laundry , a few vessels to wash, floors everywhere - even in the bathroom need to be mopped. Wash the bins, you need to buy new toilet cleaners. 

- get rest okay! 

- get Zaya what she needs and put her in the fence for a bit, give her toys, put on some zen music

- buy groceries, try seeing if you like getting into a cooking schedule 

- for konmari over the next few weeks - electronics, Zaya stuff, some clothes 

- take time with scooter, he has probably had a hard time without you, he needs to build trust again. 

- decide your path , make time for yourself and show conviction towards some goal. You always have the chance to spark that silent fire inside you towards something that feels right, feels hard and feels like life! 

The valuables are in places where the valuables usually are not. 

December and 2023 Plan

What matters in life :

Physical Health  

Mental Health

Growth and Exploration

Experiences / breaks

Being there for people who matter

Stepping stone 

Future

Overcoming limiting beliefs and habits

Humility and approachability

Sleeping peacefully at night - the ability to be honest to yourself and honest to the world

Contribution / uplifting someone or something else / being a stepping stone

Practice building character

Independence and business mind 

In other words,

Yoga, journaling

Career / CA 

Exploration - real estate / finances / driving / yoga

Movability 

Appa / AJ/ Zaya / Family / Friends

Savings , partner support, appa

Future - Z education , home, Rat bros

testing limits

observe, give in to the energy

true to my people/ true to my work

give without getting, 

books

try new things

To - Do

red tape : 

ship stuff / photo respond

amazon 

xoom

sim card

airtel wifi

rent / utils

once you are back

CA remeds

Accounts with AJ

Talk to D ka

packing

driving class

laundry

return library books (AJ says 7, we have 8) with fines.

get decal

swim class

send Log Rs.1500 + 1000, Appa - 5k

Reverse jet lag

meet Christina

Tech Pulse - not doing

zaya vaccine

Dec 5th - Well baby appt

FSA

lennar homes - not doing

Seattle? - not doing

December:

Drive.

work

CA.

Cook. 

Home chores. 

Swim. Yoga. 

Masterclass.

Course for pivot.

Day care / Baby sit.

Finances.

Learning about housing market.

Meet people / Host people.

Toastmaster.

Recession plan.

Parents' health plan.

Zaya learning / activities.

Accounts with AJ

Zaya meal plan 

    - eggs, beans, spice, less salt, rice , 

    - idli, dosa, potato, peas, bread, biscuits, carrots 

Health checkup

FSA

Remed

Konmari

Job

Apply
Scooter / cook / work routine

Day care transition

Driving - routine / grocery / daycare

One long drive(?)

Social - meet Christina

Seattle

Yoga

t-mobile

2023

Vacation planning / Time with family

Understand finances from someone who knows about it well and can teach / schedule classes

Accounts and budget planning and focus

CA plan

Home research - duplex with separate kitchens / CA / Seattle

Work / Job continuity

Masterclass 

Side gig / certification

Swim / toastmasters / Yoga

Cook / drive / clean / Zaya meals

Zaya plan - intention and action, daycare combo with something else

Adaptability - India life / job change - bounce back plans 

Host people at home

Continue EQ

Move to Seattle and rent / research day care.

Visit farms 

Cattle farm

Permaculture 

Visit garbage segregation plants

Vacation - Part 2 - Madurai

We're here in Madurai - not the central city - a somewhat remote extension near the University. 

Chennai is dad's place so it was all about being spoilt. Madurai - the in law's place is also about being spoilt with food but also about sharing work and finding ways to be resourceful. Chennai was active , Madurai here was a lot about resting and being willfully inactive , thanks to having to stay online at work / not exploring a few things that could have been tried.

What's great

What's great about this place is it's huge. The paintings and ornaments are all beautiful. There are three swings in the house, two gardens, so many traditional pieces throughout the house. In a sense, you could call it a dream house. The sense of space , the ventilation, french style windows, the vastness , the space, the reflective marbonites, the view of the mountains - they are all artistic and calming 

What's also great is the food athai makes, the potency of the veggies that smell so good even before cooked, the restaurant food is great too. Even a Rs 10 road side tea in a mini cup felt like elixir. 

Soosberries, butter biscuits , qwality walls ice cream, fresh cream cake, jalebi, sweet thattai, murukku, jigarthanda from famous jigarthanda, karupatti kaapi, paniyaram, tandoori chicken

and all those nice things.

Athai's pachai curry , Briyani, chilly chicken, kolambus - oh we had sundakka kolambu, the chutneys and idlis are just great. butter beans,

Zaya's birthday party had a whole bunch of good food arrive and I got to meet some people. If Chennai is about engineering colleges, madurai in a sense could be about business, manufacturing. People are unassuming and are running factories and operations and distributions. One particular family - the girl studied at nift and she was talking about nilakottai where a bunch of people are from - boarding school, Bombay life, their tour to Russia and Dubai to watch the fifa.  

I attended the wedding of a granite owner friend of athai's and was surprised by how large the hall was, and also how big a north Indian settlement was at Madurai. Chat was served followed by a north indian menu, a south indian menu and an area for just desserts. The girl who sang songs was super talented belting out a few tamil numbers in between a bunch of beautiful hindi numbers like Zehnazeeb, Sawarloon and all those favorites.

The cats - they are cute - entertaining. Perky gave birth to four kittens.

Uncle and athai are active - the kitchen keeps running and the dishes are cleaned. They are comfortable with the after effects of their lifetsyle - a messy kitchen.

Zaya's party went well, we did another round of cleaning, inflated the balloons and put the lights up. Uncle ordered great food - idli , chutney , sambar - and even that was amazing and of course briyani, chicken fry and gravy and ice cream that lasted for so many days.

The stereo system and the DJ lights :)

Stereo, fm and old Tamil songs :) 

Madurai city seems quite developed. Where we are in the outskirts - there is not much access to tea shops, ola and places to go by walking distance. However the city is bustling. Activities to do seem much less - looking for a swimming class I found one out far but there's definitely a lot of music classes. I've not seen the city much but sounds like women may not quite have their place yet.

 The houses are enormous - we saw the tvs house, PTR's place and a bunch of such places, Anna Nagar where Ajey was born, psa fish market near where his biological uncle runs a hospital. His biological family's hospital, historical home. Golcha complex pani puri was okay but jalebis were great.

Big houses need a lot of maintenance and a food palate such as is here needs a lot of kitchen work. Our room needed few days of sweeping to make it less dusty. I did take days off to clean up many sections of the house killing several insects. Partook in cleaning utensils, cutting veggies and did a dish here or there when asked. We re-organized the kitchen, the fridge knowing it's going to be hard to keep up with less clutter. Cleaning is a fulfilling activity for me. It was all worth it to have some structure and hopefully made things easier in the kitchen for the while we were there. 

Since we're both working we are at home most of the time eating a lot, the weather aids naps and we're hardly out exploring the actual city. Baby sitting Zaya sometimes makes vacations and especially work-from-home days more challenging.

Personally I've still got a week left and I don't want to jinx it but I do believe I was quietly determined to be in control of emotions and it was not really hard so far. Appa's one recurring advice was to keep things smooth. I did not want to be a good person, but I wanted to be that neutral board that does not amplify or retaliate - something that grounds electricity. Regardless of context , I wanted to be a generally reasonable person and that meant contributing by doing some house work. Of course, Ajey helped too. 

Humility or the ability to be unassumingly in service. I think I may have missed this a bit in Chennai. So far, here I have not spoken much. I did have an urge to explain how finances worked at home so far but have not brought it up. Both Chennai and Madurai are necessary parts of life. Having them there in LA needs effort too. But I think I do like the distance between things. I do believe it's good to remind myself of the different parts of Ananya and finding a purpose that gives peace.

The Meenakshi amman temple was huge , we did the konar kadai - was not super impressed but the special jigirhanda with basunthi was great. 

This house has excess of dishes, cooking, books, wool and inhabitants from nature (who's place technically we took over. :D)

Zaya ate a lot of different kinds of food and I let her eat it all which is great some seasons of the year. The healthy ones - now I have to put in effort in trying to make. The sweet rush , oil and salt - I hope I am able to define some balance for her. 

We went to the azhagar temple, was a nice vibe, ate a bunch of sweets from JB. Poli.

I went to an exhibition and felt a bit of the vibe I used to feel with amma around. Looking at arts and jewllery and clothes, it was fun. A nostalgic satisfaction. I remembered the stuffed toy mom got from corsack.

Went to Satya's apartment. I loved the prinicples behind the apartment. Instead of a big house, there were so many apartments with security. Her in-laws were in one apartment and she was in another. Her apartment was minimalistic, beautifully designed and everything was so neat and clean. Zero clutter in the kitchen, no appliances outside. Uniform wood work through the apartment. The hall had a corner with baby book shelves and toys. It was a focused clean apartment , very easy to maintain, and all the other apartments were bringing in revenue. I love this whole idea .

Madurai was about food in excess, was about being peaceful, was a little bit about the wisdom of what to focus on, was about cleaning, was about being distracted from work, baby sitting, about seeing a few nice places,  small walks and tea. Would have been better without having to think about work, would have been better if I had some activity to do near by, would have been better if I had a more standard diet for Zaya and did not have to introduce so much sugar.

Learning:

Sustainable lifestyle : Simple home with less work.

De-escalation and benefit of doubt : Life skill 

Removing food and lethargy. 

Contribution

Boundaries 

Tolerance

Boundaries for Zaya's health

Chill, life's actually not that bad. Keep things in perspective. 

What India is. What America is. What we want.

Chores

basic cleaning, dishes, laundry, some cooking, baby sitting

What to focus on

birthday party

AC room with no mosquitoes

work / required reading

blouse alter

videos

    zaya

    zaya / appa

    zaya / AJ fam

    zaya dresses

    Me dresses

    Me chennai

saree

books

maybe got to consider the faraway swimming pool

heritage

red tape: benefit

spice cupboard / athai's room

cook

photos

Amritsar - Mrs Gandhi's last battle

 A book on the assassination of Indra Gandhi which happened in 1984 and was republished in 2022 and still bought by athai because she likes the writing of Mark Tully , a BBC journalist who she believes knows more about India than Indians themselves.

My first book on Indra Gandhi was read when I was still in school and all I remember is that her dad wrote letters to her and that she was a great woman leader. 

Now this one starts very heavy - at the end of her life and the politics behind why.

There are 15 chapters and I've read 2, one on the assassination and the other on the Sikhs.

The assassination:

What I learnt was that she was killed by her own security (or the lack of it) because she sent army into the Golden temple which was causing trouble for her by being the meeting place of extremist Sikh groups. She enraged the already angered Sikh people against the Hindus by doing this. 

Unlike the usual narrative of the Iron Lady, here she is seen as a woman who had a court like system that was ripe with gossip, and also of a woman who did too much too late. She was also seen fatigued. Her son seemed aware of the weaknesses and strengths of his 'strong' mom.

The Sikhs who were partially divided against the Hindus, before the revenge against her death by the Hindus - now felt even more fully unsafe and divided from Hindus after the murder of many Sikhs.

Mark Tully and Satish Jacob(his ally in India) unravel what went behind this assassination and what were the roles that played both from the Congress side and the Sikhs side.

Sikhs

Reading about the Sikhs was great validation to how I thought about religion. An analogy that played out in my mind was that of an adolescent son who was trying to fight for his own identity and space by revolting against his two alpha parents. One of his alpha parents was Hinduism and the other , Islam.

Guru Nanak wanted to combine the learnings of both Islam and Hinduism , removing all the superstitions, corruptions and focus on the essence - this had no idols, was monotheistic and no castes like the Muslims, and had reincarnation and karma like the Hindus - all well.

It was brought together by space assigned by Akbar for the practice of the prophets and mystics of that time. It became quite popular that Akbar's son Jehangir saw it as a threat and decided to dilute it. 

Over time because of the push and pull of many kingdoms , the religion had turned its learnings and teachings into artillery and army, out of the need to save it's identity. He did not want to reabsorbed into Hinduism. Identity became very important for this son. It was very important for him to let the world know that he is not his mom,  nor his dad - he was his own. The identity was the long hair, the bangle, the knife... (5 k's)

The brave son who was nothing like his parents was now facing the world. But he was a little confused, indeed. The practicalities of the world corrupted him - caste and sub divisions founds its way into him. Idols found its way into the golden temple. When Mahatma Gandhi spoke about non-violence and Bhagat Singh became popular for his heroic fight for Lala Rajpat Rai, the Sikhs were conflicted. Generations and marriages alternated between Sikhism and Hinduism. When the Sepoy Mutiny was formed from Bengal , the very Sikhs who were against the British were now part of the British army because of how much they embraced the identity of the army and worked hard to be the best there with interests in guarding their own identity with British's help. But when the same Britisher's attacked them later, the very folks who fought all over the world on British's behalf were again conflicted. Finally when the partition occurred, the divorce in a family where a child was already looking to find his identity, the child is enraged feeling like he neither belonged in Pakistan(40%) nor in India(60%). A holocaust emerged.

Ranjit Singh (his story is key in the Sikh religion) was one of the kings who built his empire in Lahore which was lost to Pakistan. 

Arya Samaj (Dayanand Saraswati) was trying to reabsorb the Sikhs. 

Aranyaka

 There are so many books here in AJ's Madurai house and the only one I picked was an Indian graphic novel called Aranyaka by Devdutt Patnaik and Patil. 

This would be my second graphic novel , the first one being about a Mexican family that moved to California near San Luis Obispo , a beach town , met neighbors and celebrated the Day of the Dead, and the journey of the younger sister battling severe respiratory conditions.

These have a way of transporting you to a new world. I'm sure plain fiction can do this too, but graphics just are so much easier to follow along and allow imagination into.

Aranyaka is a story about a woman who leaves her home - a home that could not contain her character - in search of the forest. She learns how the forest has no rules. That hunger is violent whichever way you see it and yet when hunger is satiated you move on from the fear of hunger. Fear is imagination, in a way. 

In the forest she finds love with a man - a man seeking liberation - trying to be brahman. 

They move into a house - as two different people , making peace at times , and eventually letting go as the forest taught them.

On his side, life is about staying away - abstinence - about knowledge disclosures and finding infinity - what's beyond the beyond. He develops a reputation, finds seekers, collaborators.

On her side, life is about cooking, about craving , about the bodily functions - eating and cooking at will, eating meat, about making pots and keeping in touch with the forest. Her side has a natural disorder. She wonders if her meal making generosity would be challenged by the nature of the students she meets. She realized that no one has intellectual hunger when it was time for actual hunger.

As students come by some seeking knowledge, most seeking comfort, she sees them , understands them and wonders what they are seen for - are their minds seen, what are they seen for?

Between the obvious differences in approaches to life , the two do make peace at times being inspired from either side of their worlds - some students are even sent her way for some purpose.

There's a woman who does things always feeling indebted. There's one woman - who learns all the arts and her mind is not seen, the guy who grazes the cows and questions the hierarchy of why the cows are holier than the deers the tigers kill. 

Then comes a point, where people have to leave and somehow the rule-less-ness that the forest taught her lets her let go with wisdom.

Okay what did I like about this book:

Like the previous graphic novel I read this one too let me hanging a little bit at the end , when the world suddenly closed and I'm still mentally somewhere near Aranyaka.

At first I wanted to judge the book because Devdutt was someone I judged before for what I thought at the time was very loose interpretation of Indian scriptures.  But recent wisdom has taught me to read anything and everything from anyone that I take upon without letting biases interfere, to go for that thing only this person can impart. 

What was interesting about this book was the rule-less-ness - how the so called world of rules can sometimes be unfair, whereas in the world of rule-less-ness , things are fairly simple - if you are hungry you take it - and that's the only rule. It was interesting to compare the so called Godly pursuit with the nature of a woman that served someone everyday with food. It was interesting to see the body image issues of women and the sexual interests and contrast it with asexuality and abstinence. 

What was most interesting was that this book was based on Upanishads, apparently while I was just wondering how a forest life was explored by a city woman.

What I learnt later:

The story is inspired by Vedas and builds upon forest symbolism from Vedic literature. The novel tells the story of the sage Yajnavalkya and his two wives, Maitreyi and Katyayani. Rishi Yajnavalkya is remembered today mostly for his philosophical debate with Gargi at the court of King Janaka. Instead of Yajnavalkya, the authors put the women in forefront and tell the stories of Katyayani the Large, Maitreyi the Fig and Gargi the Weaver. Through these characters, the authors explore the basic human attributes like, hunger for food, hunger for knowledge, fear, and sense of debt.

Some key lines:

"To eat is to stave off death. To kill is to stave off death for a while. To reproduce is to stave of death in futures to come." (9)

"Only someone who has never known real hunger will make villains of all predators and victims of all prey." (23)

"Those who can't imagine tomorrow's hunger must forage without respite."