August Summary:
Complaints: I could not make enough time for my body because of some travel and associated lags. Nutrition was not the best, felt stuffy a few days. Sleep too had some challenges with Z being disturbed. There was some symptoms of depression rooting from lack of social life outside of work, maybe food, exercise and hormones too caused it, there were days when I came home and felt like Z was hanging onto me and there was nothing much I could do other than drown more in social media. I had quite some bummers - a dentist scam , a cancelled volunteering opp, some missed exercise slots that also felt a little bad. I also did have some money related anxiety. And Scooter's dental visit was also an extra decision. Watched more movies than usual. Oh and a weekend that went off in a hurriquake.
What I Tried: After the laziness I tried getting back into an exercise schedule - it's going on but I'm not yet feeling healthy, something more needs to be felt, I tried helping more with packing Z's lunch, she's still eating lesser than we would expect. trying more to get her to ease into bathing, brushing and potty training - and it need's a lot of patience.
What I'm thankful for:
I'm thankful for work - I enjoy how engaged I feel by trying to keep work stuff going. I enjoy the interaction with the team.
I am thankful for it fueling the rest of my life. I am thankful for a roof on my head, an apartment that serves all our needs. Food that we are able to buy and enjoy.
I am thankful for Zaya's naughtiness, Scooter's cuteness, the plants and their little adventure.
Thankful for good energy music in small doses.
What I'd like more of
I want to continue exercising and get better at nutrition so I feel better.
I want to continue cooking and cleaning and enjoying the harmony of a functioning space.
I want work to progress slowly and steadily into corners I enjoy treading on uncovering new learnings.
I want to continue finding ways to get Z into a good schedule for nutrition / brush / bathe and potty.
I want to find some time in the weekend to do something more with Z.
I want evenings to have walks and something a little more outside of cooking , Z or social media.
I want to steer away from social media and entertainment and find something more meaningful.
In the long term
I'd like a bright sunny house, a garden well cared for, places for everyone to feel comfortable.
I'd like more social interaction and classes where people can gather together and try something.
I'd like to have the satisfaction of trying and knowing I did my best even when someone won't appreciate.
I'd like to volunteer and learn in new places and fields.
I'd like the world to be somewhat predictable, mostly kind and wise and loving.
I want Z's generation to grow up happily, well informed , responsible and knowing how to have fun through it all.
Aug 20th - it's more than mid August but here's an update.
- Work has been productive but not exactly progressive. I am happy with productive and would love to be in a place where it's progressive too.
- lot of eating out and 0 exercise. Got to change this equation.
- social meetings. Some meaningful times with S.
- some learning on money.
- some times of loneliness and not having a sense of belonging. Have to cope with this like an adult.
- Z - there are some things to do progress on. And some discipline and time management needed to help her but also make time for me things.
Exercise : Swim + Gym + Cycle, Rat exercise
Work : AWS + UA + eureka learning
Study : Data Science + skillsboost - looker , AI
Study2 : investment / finance / economy
Waking Up schedule + early gym
Z - bath + brush + potty + weaning ( pillows on either side) + read + school research + activity research
Dental for Z and me , dental for S
Cook and clean
Drive
5 hours of volunteering
no SM.
Book tickets
dental health habits.
book tickets - bay + bay + India + CA + appa
CA planning - pr + list making + customs exempt shopping
check out Stoner park pool + Z activities
roth rollover, 529
S rover credits
aug 1 - Dentist appointment for Z and me.
aug 3 - follow up dentist
Aug 5 - Gardening propagation
Aug 9 - Arv
Aug 10 - Scooter's dentist appt.
Aug 19th Sat -1 - 4 pm - food pantry volunteering
21st - dental follow up
Sep 3 - zoo
Sep 17 - tar pits
masterclass subscription
subscriptions: netflix / masterclass subscriptions / barnes and nobles / f1 / prime / ymca
housing + nymble + composter
Rat and I saving transfers
konmari - photos
what about service / volunteering? thoughts on immigration
- profile to maintain: visualization / AWS data engineer / data analyst / manager / ad fraud space
- profile to build: search / data science techniques / graph
Weekly
Daily
1- Dental appt, tickets, cooking. Dishes
2 - work, walk, sm, books for z
3 - dental, UA, tickets, dishes, basic cleaning.
4 - period. tickets, lunch, cooking, bad mood because of a scam.
5 - woke up late, went for a gardening workshop, was on YouTube all day.
6 - yoga, cooked, chilled.
7 - tp / dental damage control / tiredness
8 - some tickets, some aws, random packing, water plants for a week plan.
9 - travel + receive + car + keys + dinner = weird seat + weird food + weird tummy + terrible weather
10 - tickets consolidation + Dheeru / Sowmya + eating out.
11. Keshu na's place.
12. Malgudis, jailer.
13. Honeyberry , airport delay.
14. sleepy, some distraction, some ticket stuff, putting things away from the trip, cauliflower.
15. Some work. Shuffle trials.
16. pots / bird feeder / netflix
17. opera / tickets & blocks / playing match with Z / clean up and dishes.
18. Tickets. Eating out. Economics reading.
19. Scooter claims, cooking, folding clothes. Park. EQ management.
20. Woke up in time. verandah. earthquake scare. Zaya bath play.
21. Dentist appointment and email follow ups. :/ Tickets/ meeting. Walk. Kitchen counters/ dish / rest room. Hairwash.
22. woke up at 7.15 which still gave me a headstart. breakfast. Z packing, Z brushing. ticket response exploration. Scooter walk. UA work for browser version. UA work for spike. Cook. Jiu jitsu.
23. breakfast for Z, gym, ticket, walk, Z bath.
24. woke up late. breakfast for Z. scooter walk. lunch. opera. a ticket. meeting. productivity nap. Dheeru meet.
25. Bad sleep. Z brush. Scooter walk. Tq. Lunch. Nap. Millet crepe. Movie. Calls
26. Z brush, z bath, z toys, cook, z potty stuff.bfaile plans and bad food and a lazy Saturday.
27. Bad sleep. Farmers market. More dessert :/ binge watch on Netflix - painkiller and poisoned.
28. Took a day off because I needed to make things feel clean. Broom. Mop. Window cleaning. Cooking. Walk. Swim. Laundry.
29. walk, ticket, snacks
30. gym. some ticket. some productive looker work. Z. depressed feeling and sleeping late.
31. dishes. apartment mess. ticket ASN. billy strings. dance monkey.
Happiness
abiruchi when all dishes are good.
Falling in love with your clingy lap dog who gets on your lap and leaves a sigh before settling in for a restful comfortable slumber.
Ajey thoroughly loves the jokes that takes a dig at women in his 'bro world' even though he is a gentleman otherwise . Mostly. So I showed him this video of a man recording a woman reacting to a song he is singing of the man she wants - a feminist that has to pay for food, a good boy, a bad boy, a half good half bad half boy, a guy who hangs out with your girl friends but does not fall for them etc - and finally he gives a dramatic pause and says he doesn't exist. It's just funny how she reacts to it. And Ajey thoroughly laughed looking at it. I'm happy because he has the best smile in the world and when he laughs it's cute.
Rat was reading a comic book to Z and he showed a page with a female superhero and asked her who this was and she said mommy. The fact that I later learn her name is violenzia and might be a villy should be promptly brushed under the carpet because of course z too thought she was a superhero, no?
Z can find colors and animals now, it's pretty brilliant. There's a book called my first 1000 words that when I first got I was like by the time she gets to a point where she's ready for this book we would have probably lost the book but I was in for a surprise. Suddenly after a year of when we got it she's actually at a place where she can identify so many objects. She can say a few sentences too.
An amazing caramelized pavakka from raks kitchen.
Most good things in life start with hope. Most things happen because of the support we got from others that we handled responsibly. One such story of hope starts. I hope it is handled responsibly.
Life comes full circle when you are suddenly on the opposite side of where you used to be. You realize how entitled you use to be, how easy it was to take for granted what others gave you.
5 days in travel and at Dallas managing Z, the heat warning, food outside, meeting relatives while AJ did most of the shopping with Arvind. Work went decent (it was just 2 days of work), the small jet lag still had a weird effect on food timings, the outside food and the heat was tough on the tummy. Z was a cry baby at the malls and wanted to cling onto me everywhere, the return flight was delayed by several hours, but the good news is we accomplished a lot in these 5 days and made it count. We managed it to our best of abilities. The experiences we had:
1. Arvind reeling with jet lag and the vast emptiness of what looks like Dallas with no folks, wide roads, just cars and nothing walkable. We balancing the expenses with Arvind's possibly higher expectations, the start of his push to adulthood. He seemed like he had a lot in his mind but either did not have the energy or the space to express. Slowly, all of us will grow together and adapt as we all do.
2. Keshu anna's house was huge. He had a lovely home theater system, a clean layout, a lovely kitchen and Sowmya made amazing food. We had great guac, great bruschetta. The kids were high energy and quite mature in how they acted with Z. Z loved her time playing with them. She loved their play room and the pink room. Anna educated us about the politics at school for kids - how much they have to deal with - the need for them to be involved in the same entertainment as others to fit in. Side eye, loneliness and such - and it was a little scary to hear on how one can manage these things.
3. Sowmya and D. We visited their house. Z colored and played with Sowmya. Their apartments were lovely - so many amenities. I love that kind of vibe. If they make friends they get along well with, it's a great place to be. We spoke a lot about how they could bring in more balance into their life.
4. We went to the Jailer movie - a very quick plan - S and I had some good time bonding. D was concerned about how late the movie was but also unnecessarily grumpy. Their dynamics is not an easy one but like all relationships , over time we grow and hopefully get to a smoother place with learning and acceptance from both sides.
4.1. Jailer was a good entertainer, a violent movie, quite some twists, lot of stories, a mix up of genres. a familiar silly comedy. but still enjoyable.
5. Gifts - Z got half a suitcase of stuffed toys, clothes, toys, match cards, necklace and bangles from her grandma sent all the way from India. She got lovely dresses from Sowmya (D) and a book , necklace and bracelet from Sowmya(K). We bought them a plant, not sure if it's a good gift, and the kids a bunch of toys - a cement welcome slab making kit, a cyborg hand, some feathers to wear around their neck, a knitting kit - I hope they love it :)
6. Food : bawarchi, a2b, malgudi, kumar's kalyana virundhu, an american grill, honeyberry.
7. there was some anxiety, sleeplessness , tiredness - but we managed everything pretty well.
8. Oh UTD - I walked through UTD and all the memories I buried came up - but surprisingly they were all pleasant memories. The one time I played squash, the few times I played TT and the one time I rage-played. The dance class I was clueless at. The stairways next to the library and the welcome week events. The garden, working at the dining, the library, JSOM, all the memories with Swetha, Srikanth, Gowtham. I guess I'm quite happy in life now that any sad remnants have all been overwritten. the pub. Someone was playing the piano so beautifully in one of the halls and it reminded me of someone playing at the pub several years back. the community garden.
Most importantly, we are back to home sweet home - our abode of predictability, comfort, creativity and growth. Plants have flourished in our time out, we have put away most of our suitcase stuff, Scooter will be back tomorrow, we need to buy groceries, do some laundry and folding, start cooking and get Z into a cleanliness schedule and then work and exercise and the machine starts kicking with vigour again.
got 2 refunds back : ymca / big and tiny. got to get the dentist one done.
Seeing Scooter back and fairly healthy.
new pots, soil and bird feeder happiness.
Shuffling even with old people knees.
Park - played on the toddler gym area in a nice park near Meadows that we have not been to in a long time. A disconnect from the normal.
Park - a park in hollywood that we went to because one of our plans got cancelled. The park is elevated and had good views, some really tall trees and lots of friendly dogs. one that stole a sponge from some girls that were trying to paint.
jiu jitsu day 1 was a shock. pushed into the uncomfortable zone.
Dance for me - the song, the voice, the lyrics, the energy.
Food
Me : mushroom kurma, manga poosinika sambar, kovakka, pavakka, gose egg scramble. cauliflower. green curry. egg masala. Kathrika kolambu. Vazhakka. Chicken. Rajma masala. spinach dhal. beetroot poriyal. Aloo.
AJ : aspargus, chapathi, amazing chapathi and potato masala - the best. oats.poori, chapathi
outside : Abiruchi egg briyani, apollo fish, chicken curry, parotta. Tofu ya soontobu. southern spice garlic chicken fried rice, rasam and prawn. amazing kothu parata from annapoorna and mushroom masala and chapathi. Tacos. Tasty noodle house - great iced tea and dry pot and chow mein. annapoorna chai, patura and bisibele. Southern spice. Millet crepe.
Dallas: a2b, bawarchi, kumar kalyana virundhu,
Learning
Akshat:
bonds / stocks inverse relation - claiming stocks will go up with volatility
debt - interest rate will not go back down to 0 , it will go down to 3%
So quantitative easing will not help GDP any more.
the 2 straight streaks we had on s&p for 15 yrs and 10 yrs where you just made profits may not return.
the first streak was driven by smart phones and app economy. second streak by QE.
History of the US dollar
Since the debt ceiling has been widely debated by the US, it had instilled a sense of fear in the reputation of the US dollar and looking at both sides of the argument , here's what I understood.
- US dollar gained value and reputation because it was associated with the physical reserve of gold.
- When this association was annulled, the reputation still stuck, but the flexibility to print paper started.
- US was able to print money as needed and inject into the economy, by borrowing from the treasury and creating bonds - specifically treasury bonds that it would pay back with interest.
- Investors usually safeguarded their investments(stocks) by hedging it with bonds. Stocks means they own a part of a company - they won if the company won and lost if the company lost. Bonds mean they issued a loan to a company/government - they made profit through interests whether the company won or lost - unless it defaults. Usually when stocks go up , bonds go down and vice versa - so good investors have a 90-10 split between the two in order to balance risk in one by a proportional compensation in the other.
- The above statement is not always true. There are times in history when both bonds and stocks crashed at the same time.
- Even though the general middle class citizen thinks of debt as something scary, for the government it was just an illusionary construct that it could manipulate towards it's advantage. This is not only true for the US. Most countries just borrow(print money) to develop or produce. The more GDP you produce from the debt - the more successful you are - regardless of whether you pay your debt in full or not.
- Even the constitution says that the Supreme court cannot question the government on how much it owes.
- Only 2 countries have debt limits - they started with the purpose of putting a certain limit in a different context 100s of years ago and it was never meant to be a limiting construct. The government was allowed to keep on borrowing from itself as long as it can maintain it's reputation as a producer of high GDP.
- However over the years, this illusionary concept has gained a reputation of itself. Since people(and other countries) buy bonds(promise) because of the trust in US, defaulting on these payments is a reputation risk for the US and a risk in the value of treasury bonds. We are seeing Moody's rate about 12 US banks with less rating and Fitch rate the US as a whole , less.
- If the trust in the US goes down, people and countries that invested in US bonds go down along with it.
- The government just wanted to keep increasing the debt ceiling and keep running the country and GDP forever. But because of the politics between the republicans and Democrats, the republicans are using it as a way to leverage control on policies by not voting on raising the debt ceiling unless policies are met. These politics could have repercussions in the wider economy.
- Internally, in the short term, interest rates go high. But longer term and across the world who is to see what will happen with BRICS in picture?
- The government wants to do away with the debt ceiling completely (by passing a law).
- The problem with printing money aka issuing bonds is also the fact that when money rotates in the excess, demand for products increases. When demand for products increases - products can be priced higher. inflation.
Summary - everything is about perception. Money is also about perception. Value of things go up and down because of perception. Sometimes, in cycles, but sometimes in drastic shifts of power. The key is to move from panic to information to understand how to not lose.
The GDP per year of US is 25trillion and yet the US injected 5trillion during the pandemic out of thin air.
CPI and WPI
From Nivi:
Wholesale price index is a score for the rate of increase or decrease in price in manufacturing and wholesale goods. It is a leading indicator of inflation.
Consumer price index is a score for the rate of increase or decrease in price in both goods and services directly sold to consumer. It is a lagging indicator of inflation.
When CPI and WPI are in the opposite direction, that is the CPI is going high but WPI is going down - it may either indicate the inflation has passed OR it may indicate that the middle man(manufacturers) is making a lot of money - that is wholesale prices are deflationary and yet the finished goods are costly.
Watched this video on mind traps.
Here's a list of them:
1. Cognitive dissonance and sour grapes. When you have belief number 1 and it does not go as planned. And you have belief number 2 that is in conflict with belief number 1 that you use to explain away belief number 1. Like the grapes are sour.
Personally for me the big conflict is how I love non veg food but also find it hard to directly hurt an animal. I use the 'we are carnivore by nature and have to do first what's right for our health by nature' stance. But we would not hurt our dog. So this thing needs more thought.
2. Anchoring effect.
3. Thinking you are getting a sign from the universe when you have just tweaked your awareness to notice something more.
4. Spotlight effect. Assuming people notice you a lot more than they actually tend to.
5. Choice. More choice actually does not let us take a decision. Less choice forces a decision more easily.
6. Confirmation bias. Echo chamber. Finding more of the information that confirms your existing beliefs.
7.
Other traps outside of this.
Vivek Ramaswamy:
Jeff Jackson is a democratic candidate I follow who breaks down how things are inside the political walls. How people are incentivised by causing drama in politics because they get more coverage when they say something divisive (aka passionate)
He also talks about how the ruling party does not actually rule, and just how issues are used to debate and most things are about power play and not about actual policies.
Vivek Ramaswamy was very interesting to come across. I must admit the Indian angle made me notice him and even beyond that there is a charm to him - a clarity of stance (even though it it his stance) and a confidence that inspired attention.
I've noticed that it's always easy to pay attention and almost start to like some people plainly because of their confidence. It needs some critical thinking to be open to multiple angles and decide for yourself what you (from your life experience) think is right for a country.
Vivek is different and that immediately makes him stand out. A Hindu brown guy as a Republican candidate? But he also clearly represents his audience's policy. He is a little confusing because he was a libertarian rapper that chose to be a Republican and I still don't fully understand why he decided to. Maybe that's his best place to shine. You can't but cast a doubt about whether he says something because it's the right thing to say or because he believes in it.
He says God is real. That's not a harmful stance to be taken but we can already see Christian evangelists worried about a idol worshipping Hindu. That shows some courage.
He talks about lgbt issues throwing more light into the unpopular but equally valid narrative of not giving impressionable children access to life changing decisions that they might regret later. Sometimes, transitions can make everyday life miserable , more than what it was before in a confused body. People are sometimes not even able to urinate properly because of these procedures. We all know children can feel very different about decisions once they become an adult. Parents have a certain role in protecting them. So that was agreeable to me but how much will it affect adults and discrimination is a point to think about more.
He says border control is necessary because America is a land of law but he also thinks it would be harmful to not pardon Trump given it will make the country more divisive.
He says reverse racism is racism. As a Brahmin son, his ideals are probably deep rooted. Yes reverse racism is racism. But also yes, stats about how and why some races are over represented and some are under represented - are more a symptom of systemic code imprinted into systems and it needs to be broken. Stats need to look more like a common man's life. It's important for me to see someone like me. It's important for everyone to see someone like themself.
He says climate change is a myth especially the carbon cult. Nuclear energy is a good point he brought up. Maybe he could suggest ways for clean coal towards human prosperity.
He believes in capitalism and that any person can take advantage of it.
His thoughts on health care, iran, Ukraine, China are all to be understood better.
His thoughts on 911, COVID are to be understood.. his nature of doing business in pharma - of having stake in profits and insulating from loss - is it driven by values, does it show business acumen - needs to be understood. On defunding the department of education.
He is able to say confidently that he is not a super PAC puppet. He used his own money. He emphasizes on values. On American history and educating children on civil code.
He has got people's attention, so that's a win. What else can one do when they win power - just wait and watch. Would I vote for him? At this point driven by the emotion of anti Hindu motion I want to support an underdog, also for respecting another perspective. How harmful would it be.
He says people talking can bring about peace. People not talking can bring aggression. National therapy.
Thoughts
the equivalent of parents screwing up their childrens' life by doing what is right by society is the same as children staying away doing what's right for money.
women spend a lot of time and money on looking to good - on skin. Or having to look good. That men don't have to. looking good is probably a patriarchal construct too. Money with Katie.
The feeling that the right intentions may not meet with the right appreciation. You do what you know is right within your limits and move to focus on your life. Fear is a feeling in the background. Only time and effort can cure fear.
We can always make mistakes. We can always find a way. Your solace is love and belonging. A place where someone knows why you do what you do and why you don't do somethings too.
Your strength is your patience and hope in that someone who gets you and cares for you.
The mechanical operation of getting someone what they need but they are reeling in everything very slowly that they need something altogether different. The space to arrive. The time to notice that even the so-called best place has so much more it needs. I guess the space to first find out what's there and what's not before you can even identify how to fill time.
Need focus on projects. Need exercise.
The feeling of instability - that of being taken for a ride. Thankfully Ajey manages this without getting emotional. I find it easy to get upset when it's almost like you are taken advantage of. Thankfully I am able to talk my feelings out instead of reacting to it. It does leave a sour feeling but in the end you trust because it's better to trust than to fear.
A few weeks of not doing anything for myself, just chores, work, Zaya and drowning in social media for the compulsive escape it is. Also a feeling of being lonely. Like you try to be there for others and listen to them but you don't have anyone for yourself who asks if you are okay.
Friends - you have them because you get a mutual feeling of belonging from them. But sometimes it does not work like that. You try to put your good intentions and good energy and attention for them but you don't feel it being reciprocated. It makes you feel lonely - more than it would have if you did not try saying something in the first place.
As an adult what can you do - you can accept things as they are. You can try to understand that maybe they are busy. You can also stop communicating / venting where you don't feel heard. You can remember that you are there for yourself and that you can find a way to feel better if you look for it.
Update : they usually come along. Someone eventually connects and makes you feel alright.
