Summary:
- We got Zaya into the coworking day care and it's great. It gives me back focused time where I don't have to think of house chores or have to take care of Zaya. I'm able to check on her whenever I want.
- We cooked at home, but lesser than usual. We got to eat out quite a bit. We've started buying pure juices and also have started making purees for Zaya. Eating out quite a bit : I've grown out of tamales after having a lot. I'm trying arepas at the Bolivar arepa bar but surprisingly the bagels are to die for. We ate at Thyme quite a lot and tried a variety of food. Brentwood celebrity sighting. Hong kong chai at the love coffee place was good. Sweet corn chicken soup at Moon House for sickness.
- Rat and I were able to go on a few mid-day dates when Zaya was in the day care and it felt refreshing.
- Work is still in transition , a few peeks into the new team, a few reports for the old team.
- Driving - a little more.
- Zaya moments, she being the boss, the playful friend. I've been spending more time at the day care than most parents that they said I could be working there ,reading baby books. I know this will lessen over time, but it's been good to be there with Zaya and the other kids.
- Wordle and Octordle
- A lot of getting sick and reviving.
Feelings :
An uncertain place is a hard place to be. When the ground beneath you breaks you don't know just what's beneath the ground. It shows you your biggest weaknesses. Just what you are when everything you hold on to gives away. The question is are you going to live in fear or are you going to step out and find yourself.
Sometimes what feels like bad times feel like good times later on. Without ego, Zaya would have had more good times.
I miss giving Ajey and Zaya what may have been good memories but I don't miss having to wonder how to be and what to expect every hour every day in my home. I don't miss having space to feel more like myself. It does take more effort to care for Zaya .. but it's okay when the mind is free'er.
First day at Big and Tiny had some anxieties. Back home too there was prep work before and lot of cleaning and assembling work all night. Hopefully things get into a flow soon.
Happy things :
I'm supposed to take manager trainings which seemed off to me since I was moving away from the manager track. But I was in a sad mood and taking this course called 'leading with kindness and strength' actually felt good. It's just nice to see women who I would like to be like. It's nice to see it's possible. It's nice to vibe with the kind of people that make me feel like hey there's something for me to learn from this person. I need more time with women I would like to be like. That to me feels like Arti akka. That to me feels like Fran Hauser, the author of this course.
Watching women videos with Zaya and being excited about all the things we can learn together.
Poondu rasam and Vendakka poriyal = soul food.
Catching up on sleep.
Time with Rat.
Broom, mop, washing mats, fixed Shark after a month, got Zaya a play mat and assembled a play fence, a hand vacuum is super handy, bibs, new bag, our lovely new spice carousel, and the ottoman come coffee tray
Bagel @ the arepa place. Also tasted an arepa for the first time. It’s like a fried Idl. I never even liked bagels before but this place changed it. I've had this bagel several times since.
First day at Big and Tiny. Happy about the time I get away from housework and baby work. Also happy about the few coffee places nearby that we can try.
First meeting with Saif. Great energy and synergy in the team. I love how they bounce of everyday issues with each other as a team, how the org structure was explained, their discussion of all issues in one place opens my eyes to what's there, I like that the open house and company wide stuff is discussed too, I like the articles posted, how systems in place are explained, how they discuss strategy on what they like to take and what they should try staying away from. The team mates are nice. I especially look forward to working / learning from Biswarup again.
Happy about a day where I let all housework stay, ordered food outside and ate heavy food till I felt life brought back in me, and slept peacefully in a quiet dark room. It was much needed in between all the burn out.
Happy about Ajey and I going out for lunch in the middle of the day and trying some food at an Italian place sitting outside in the sun. I was talking to him about all the new stuff in the team. For breakfast we got the bagel again from the arepa bar.. it's ssoooo good. Yesterday we sat outside in the verandah amidst all the pansies AJ's mom had placed and had our dinner and were talking a lot - about where I learnt anger from and a lot of other things. The weather was pleasant. I'd call both these food events a date, because it felt special amidst all these busy months to be sharing a meal in a nice setting.
I would love to make great relationships with people. I have to be a better person or I need to find more compatible people, but while I don't have the relationships / support that I wish I had .. I'm really thankful for money. The affordability to get help and get some breathing space is just so so so important. I have no idea how I'd have survived some things. Of course, I'm also thankful for the help I got while I got it. I'm thankful for the emotional bandwidth I have, now. Sometimes emotional work is more draining than anything else.
Rat and I are in on wordle and octordle.. I'd always wished we'd have some hobby in common but our shared love for words , though obvious never made it to the list until now. Now we have octordle races where we start the puzzle at the same time.
Love it when I go spend some time with Zaya and she smiles looking at me.
Zaya recovery from mildly high temperature.
I got a haircut, it's not the best but usually it's more about owning it than anything else. the positive side - hairfall is possibly lower, I can start good scalp habits like oiling and reduce the dandruff, it makes me look smart and that's a good look. Zaya can't pull my hair. The worst case is I have it till it grows back very soon. Appa liked it. The other side : AJ will take some time to get used to it. It'll be interesting working on this look with accessories to add some feminine streaks. funny though dad thought Dheeru called once when I called lol.
I got compliments for my hair at work and at the day care.
Love nap time with Zaya in the weekend. Puts her to sleep in the warmth. Catches me up on sleep and both AJ and I get some time where we are not trying to hold and engage the high energy gurl.
To Zaya I'm not someone trying to make money, someone trying to be disciplined, heck not even mom. In her eyes I'm someone she can play with.. someone who's face she can put her tiny hands on and explore.. someone who would make sounds she laughs at, someone who can enter the room and she will smile. And what she believes is what we become - silly people :)
I stepped into the overweight BMI at 150 pounds yesterday. What's good about that? well it could be worse , one. Two I just have to decrease one pound and maintain that for the rest of breastfeeding, that should not be hard. I can start on getting back to 125 once the feeding phase is done.
Zaya being boss madam, lounging like a king on her stroller. She being a good friend and playing with my face. Her rightful hands searching for momma in the night. Folks made me feel a little alien when I heard things like 'Our line' but after all these months a thought passed my mind and caught myself happy - "My baby looks like Ajey" and that thought is awesome.
Deepu had a little boy they're calling Bobby for now.
I've been having severe throat inflammation pain, ear infection, infected sinuses. The girl has been congested. The dad has been having recurring pains too. And of course sleeplessness. What's thankful about this situation is an air purifier that helps remove possible allergens, eucalyptus oil that helps get out some of the cold, green tea that helps with inflammation, Claritin that gave me much needed relief while I was in pain in the middle of the night, access to doctors to consult with, suction bulb and saline water that help us help Zaya. Of course , Rathan's warmth to be with when I'm in pain. Finally the reminder to reinforce and learn good habits for health. Like fresh food, anti inflammatory foods, staying in.
Learning :
To be a good mom, I need to be a better person, I need to also be a happier mom. I need to refine my responses so Zaya can have a better vocabulary to learn from.
When going through a transition period, it's good to not focus on getting things perfect, it's okay to order food outside, it's okay for things to be messy, it's important to focus on the new thing and have patience until stuff falls into a schedule.
Need to figure Zaya's nutrition amidst breast milk, bottle milk, formula, mashed banana and may be few new things. Need a schedule.
Fran Hauser's suggestion :Network with one person every week
- get a warm intro
- express how you can be helpful
- ask an intermediate connect with the email you intend sending to the final contact
- saying yes to you is easier when you have something to give in return.
During meeting
- anyone I should meet?
- how can I be helpful to you
After
- thank you with follow ups
- maintain the relationship
Few icebreakers
- I'd love to hear more about your new project
- I see we both know x. How did you meet X
- what brings you to the event.
Paying forward
- encourage others to speak up
- be an accountability buddy
- ask for more - for others
- create a mentor circle
Food
A good mix of home made food including idlis and spicy chutneys, protein from abhiruchi and lunch dates at Thyme with Rathan.
Bolivar bagels are amazing and I had them a few times now. Thyme has great Italian food and Rat and I tried a few different foods there. Eggplant parmesan, salmon and salads and a bunch more I forgot. I found the chai we've not been able to make or find , FINALLY! at the love coffee bar there's a Hong Kong latte which I love!
On a weekend we went to Brentwood market and got a good brunch. This was Ajey's treat for losing a bet and he kept his word by waking up and prepping us to get out of the house one Sunday morning. His karma worked out too well cuz he got to see Alexandra D'addario casually taking a walk and buying some tacos at the same joint we were at. This is our second Hollywood sighting after having ice cream from the place Gerard Butler and his girl friend. Well, LA life :)
