Nov 2021
Things to focus : Safe Delivery, health / nutrition, learning mom skills to get on a schedule, prioritize sleep, managing hormones / emotions - start with meditation / get yoga scheduled. Zaya red tape / maternity leave / h1b, pediatrician visits, Dheeru wedding plan / clothes, managing folks at home. Zaya engagement. Help D where possible. Gifts for nephews/niece. Some konmari - electronics / media / closet. Try to support AJ.
Cooking. Cleaning. Organization - help.
Finance. Data Engineering. Sustainability. Driving.
Finance. Data Engineering. Sustainability. Driving.
People
I spoke to Anil, my little brother last month and something he said came to my mind. Instead of thinking of the situations we get in life with a judging or regretting mind, if we just thought of them as learning, he felt it was conducive to a healthy life. Every experience is here for some reason - what do we learn from here and progress?
Last night AJ was catching up on work and I had slight pain. I'm glad baby did not choose to come out yet, cuz he really needed some sleep and I wish he'd be rested before the labor starts. He woke up a little later than usual and seem to have slept well. So far, so good. One more day Zaaya gave me and verandah has been organized, and some clothes sorted.
Chrissy Teigen's kid in the Halloween video :)
It's an anxious day, but just taking a moment to register this cute thing Scooter does.. where he walks to us, turns around, walks backward and places his back on our foot and sits comfortably. Think it keeps him warm if he sits his little self on our leg.
Nurses - thinking of the Kaiser nurse at Labor and Delivery who I met last time. We generally aspire to be rich and famous and influential. And there are nurses who work more than doctors, get paid much less than docs, who work across shifts, do what may be considered disgusting easily, and do all this with generous emotional and physical bandwidth, because they want to be of service.
It's hard for me to say 'I pray' , as usually it feels like I'm asking for something from someone. But yes, I pray, today.
Ajey's been getting compliments on his hair from the docs and nurses, every visit
Sayali Ananya-Rathan is here :) she is very beautiful and so I'm wondering where she came from :D We're both feeling healthy so far. I'm mostly thankful that we're both alive after all the complications - lost 2l of blood, I had to breathe every time her heart rate went down and it worked until it did not and we found the girl had the cord around her many times. The emergency room was very scary but I decided I was going to be brave no matter what. There were 10 docs doing 10 different things and telling me what they were gonna do on me, when the screen was removed the doc's uniform was bloody , and I was shivering for the next 4 hours because the body went to shock. I'm thankful the body survived and the mind braved everything. I'm hoping that I do well once the pain meds wear off.
I was intending to learn to take on a lot of the baby duties soon. Instead I'm now reduced to a human that does not know how she is going to get out of bed without tearing stitches, I don't have enough upper body strength to life myself up without putting pressure on the stitches, someone who couldn't hold in pee while trying to walk to the bathroom , someone who can't get to the baby or pick her up. Instead of being of help , I've become one more person that needs help from Ajey. I'm glad I am not in an ICU, I'm glad I am able to try to walk. I am glad AJ helps through this all. And other family will also try and help. I have to readjust all expectations.
Good things for today is we’re home, we learnt a football hold that works with lactation and have moved away from formula. I was able to get in bed at home and got another generous wipe and clean from AJ. He’s exhausted and still working like a burning candle. I needed to feel clean so I’m sure I can heal without an infection. Arti ka received us with great food and is keeping Zaya occupied. Scooter was taken care of by akka. He is curious and possibly a little jealous of the new baby in the house.
Next few things to focus on is getting a cook/ cleaner, figuring out pain both from feeding and operation. Bathing by myself, what happens after pain meds are removed, walking few times a day, reducing swelling, understanding Zaya feed, holds, milestones. Calming and sleeping.
Yesterday's update got jinxed, girl had to resort to formula and she's been crying ceaselessly. My body is in pain because of breastfeeding and the strange chemistry of it becoming stone and leaking with it's own mind. Good updates are that I tried not taking pain meds and I'm okay, I got insurance - health and life updated. I'm pumping a little milk here and there. I got to get AJ some amount of sleep by holding Zaya through the night. Akka is here and providing nutrition and soothing Zaya whenever she can. I'm still unable to hold pee, but moving around a little.
I was given 3 types of pain meds for 60 days. I quit all three on day 1 of coming home and have been healing decently.
We're shopping a lot for the baby. Learning a lot. At this point, it's going to be about consistency and keeping things going on. Madhu and Gowri mentioned they can come over one week to just cook and help me. Ayushi and Mansi have been giving me advice. Girl's squad has been helping me on feeding tips and sleeping tips. Mini ka gave me some tips on milk production and it works well.
Arti ka has been her motherly self, emotional that she is leaving Zaya and has been mentioning how important it is for all of us as family to come together and meet often. I sometimes feel like a selfish human being being around so many generous people.
Arti ka loves S's vibe :)
Dinesh anna is here and helping. AJ and him go to get japanese food and so that’s nice bonding. Anna helped us bathe baby and help us wherever he can. We spoke about startups. We spoke about some usual political topics it’s better not discussing about :D Anni is having a hard time. Hope it passes over soon.
Baby is doing beautiful baby things. I’m feeding. Daddy is working hard. Family is helping. Money is making life manageable when we want to rest and adapt to new things.
Team work between AJ and I = love.
Things to figure : sleep schedule. Ergonomics. Sustainability , both of our health and the products we use for the baby.
Sleep schedule:
Rat wants to be awake 9-5 during work hours, sleep from 7.30 to 9.30 pm and do whatever is needed rest of the hours and get sleep in between whenever he can in regular nights.
Until maternity leave is done, I have time to sleep 9-5 too but I have to get to a similar schedule to him when I get back.
This can work for the most part as long as we can keep Zaya asleep considerably consistent in the night. The things we need to consider though is to not burn out AJ and make sure his back and knees are protected. Also closer to getting to work, we might have to do our cooking by ourselves.
Morning before work - wash hands, feed/poop, bathe, bathe baby, breakfast. Scooter walk/ food.
9-5 - AJ work. Annie baby schedule. Sleep. Engage baby? Read? Study? Driving? Art Small cleaning. Exercise?
5-9 - scooter walk. Dinner. AJ sleep/ Annie baby. Give time for AJ to chill if possible.
Night - both of us, slowly balance between the two.
I had a crying day. I think the body is overwhelmed by the round-the-clock feeding. I realized it's best to just sleep it out rather than try to get closer to the work schedule during maternity leave.
Anna fit the rocker :)
We got a cook who quit in one day citing traffic/commute concerns. The bright side is she was costly, charging us high 18 per hour and taking 5 hours to make what could be done in two hours. I'm glad she's gone. I'm glad there is shef.com, I'm glad this may push me to be more independent if my body, sleep pattern and Zaya allow.
Dinesh anna's presence was great, he grew close to Zaya and made sure she slept a lot, he knew how to calm her down and had a good time here watching movies and trying Japanese food while helping me with all the things I could not bend and do. As someone who hardly watches movies, it was fun for a while to laugh at the movies he chose. He had an eye for good entertainment. I caught glimpses of Doctor, Love Hard and both were funny. I also saw a boring movie called Holiday, but I loved a tent in the movie that was made for children to sleep in. It looked lovely.
Rat has been doing really well. The heavy lifting he does will definitely help me fall into pattern soon while giving me the space to recuperate. I've already got a hang of burping, feeding, diaper changing. I have to find ways to soothe her, also have to be able to bend down to bathe her, perhaps also learn the massage. Gows says pacifier is okay so that's a good thing. Also Zaya gave us a decent night yesterday. It will be good if things get better this way.
She's two weeks, right weight, she gave us a hard night yesterday. I'm taking on more of the baby work. We're underestimating our need for sleep. We need to ring that in and get a masseuse.
I bought wrap around skirts. Five for about 35 on Amazon. They look lovely and are reversible. It's the perfect minimalist outfit and fits any size. I'm still figuring out how to dress without feeling tight around the incisions, but this is a generally good piece of outfit I wish I'd owned much earlier.
Iswariah..been sending me advice on the baby. All amidst her own recovery.
S's SIL has been very nice in accommodating for my trip.
S sent some choicy clothes. Dinesh Anna sent some too. I'm yet to try these fancy clothes on Z and have to. Shailu , Charu perima , Vatchi perima, Appa sent some jewels for Zaya. Divya Akka sent some dresses for me. It's a lot of stuff coming towards a minimalist mom. Clothes look lovely on Zaya and I am looking to use everything well.
D is here and he's helping me in spite of multiple things he has to juggle like work and wedding planning. He put efforts into making something palatable to my taste buds and ground almonds and all to make this tasty dish :) This month I found myself praying and it's mainly because of him. He deserves a lot of positive people around him as he learns and evolves in life. I'm thankful that the God he prays got him into this adventure with a lovely person. I pray I also learn to be a good sister and be more understanding. They're a good team and the best thing I can do for them is know they got this and appreciate from a distance, how they build the best of what they two share.
Appa is here. Team work is at play. D cooks. Appa takes care of baby. Rat and I do other chores and cook too. I'm able to manage some nights , but end up waking Ajey here and there.
We bought bajji molaga and made .. make a guess.. molaga bajji :D
There's drama in the family. Dheeru and appa show some EQ where it would have been hard for me to. Appa sometimes shows a maturity where he never gets too offended by drama and believes things always get better.
I've been making idli batter and chapathi for 4 adults, a little bit of here and there cooking and I'm glad I'm trying. Night shifts are still not completely out of AJ's hands. Feeding and crying has been more frequent than expected. Red tape progressing : birth certificate, CA, maternity, h1b. next : passport , oci.
3. Updated Proof of Funds - done
4. Upfront e-Medical
5. LoE
6. IMM0008
7. IMM5406E (both for me and spouse)
8. Proof of payment to add newborn (CAD 225) - done
4. Upfront e-Medical
5. LoE
6. IMM0008
7. IMM5406E (both for me and spouse)
8. Proof of payment to add newborn (CAD 225) - done
Books:
For pregnancy I got a couple of books - one in emotions and I gave that up very easily as it was all the morose stuff and mental health intense. What to expect - since I had the app I only skimmed through the book. The one I loved is girlfriends guide to pregnancy - it's like your funniest friend is giving you tips. It's an entertaining book.
This week I got newborn related books. I got womanly art of breastfeeding , bringing up bebe, Montessori , crib sheet and one on potty training.
The breastfeeding book made me realize how much a lactation consultant helps. A lot of stuff on the book , I was already familiar with. The one thing I wish I did different was ask for mom's bank milk instead of formula when I could not feed the first day. The other thing the book talks about a lot is skin to skin sleeping even when the popular notion is that it causes SIDS. The middle path is to do a ritual of skin to skin while awake and then putting her in the bassinet.
The book has to be read in conjunction yo the month I'm in as it's organized into such sections. There's other sections useful outside of monthly learning.
Nerve pathways
Mother's groups
Bottles
Pacifiers
Sleep patterns won't settle, they will change
4 months - nursing weird
6 weeks no poop and then mudslide
Routine, not a schedule
Teething rashes
Solids after 6 month when baby asks
Biting - tilt head back
Learning:
Some people always find good things to say. Some people find hurtful things to say. Some people resolve drama. Some people create drama. Some people are entitled. Some people give to just give. Some people selectively forget. Some people remember. Some people give unsolicited advice. Some people respect boundaries. One thing to learn is tolerance. The other thing to learn is what kind of person I want to be.
One thing Arti ka told me that I would really like to learn is to keep my nose out of others businesses. Everyone can take care of their own problems and we don't have to involve in it until asked for.
People , emotions and sensitivities are not easy. It's hard to please everyone. The ones who care will understand. If love comes with conditions you have the right to set boundaries.
Not really sure if and how karma works but I really love the concept of someone book-keeping what is fair and what is not because that always keeps me at peace that someone out there knows the whole picture beyond the dramas people assume. Here's my favorite quote about karma - How people act is their karma. How I respond is my karma.
Generosity amidst thoughtlessness.
Being defensive with R.
To do:
Cooking. Water. Supplements.
Zaya. Feed. Diaper. Burp. Sleep. Bathe. Nose. Vit D.
maternity leave. h1b. evaluation.
Fsa, HSA.
Doc visits. breathing. Stitch. Healing.
Amtrak. Clothes.
Sow invitation. gift. shipping.
Accounts.
Laundry - ours and hand towels, Zaya's, Blankets. Scooters. Mats.
Grocery. Floor. Bathrooms. Dishes. Trash.
Nov summary
What a rollercoaster month it has been. Thankful mostly for Arti ka's calming presence - being the right person at the right time - giving me the much needed nutrition and giving Ajey and me a break from thinking about nutrition/ food, traveling all the way.
Thankful for hospitals, doctors, nurses, lactation consultants.
Thankful for my body that's healing decently and mind that focuses on what works.
Thankful for AJ who made this process manageable and helped me through it.
Thankful for friends that tell me what to do.
Thankful for Dheeru , Dinesh na, appa for their presence and help.
Thankful for maternity leave. Prayers for all women in all professions to have this right towards time for bringing in a newborn.
Thankful for the material things that make managing a newborn functional.
Thankful for this cute little demanding stranger with her so many expressions, who does not give me time to actually adore her amidst the feeding crying and pooping and thankful for all the exciting possibilities when she grows.
